How the Internet works

How the Internet Works

It has long been known that the Internet was developed in the 60's (around the time that Unix and LSD came around). We know that it was developed as a government project so that in the event of nuclear attack there would be some sort of communications lines that would still be available. All the protocols that the internet uses were designed so that the network would oeprate even if some of the other computers on the network got disconnected. The Internet was later commercialized into what it has become today.

What most people don't realize is exactly where the Internet came from. We say that the government developed the Internet, but how did they develop it? The answer is that it came not from the idea of protecting the computer networks from nuclear attack, but from researching nuclear attack methods.

It was in the late 60's when the first reports came out. Some nuclear testing was being done in remote regions of South America, where there was a group of monkeys that had no idea they were being tested on. Not even knowing what was happening, the US government willfully exposed these monkeys to very high levels of radiation, as high as 40,000 rads. Amazingly, many of the monkeys survived, and reproduced at an alarming rate. Not knowing what to do with the monkeys, the US government decided to research what to do with them.

The monkeys had mutated into strange creatures, able to swing their arms at alarming speeds. Unable to simply leave them where they found them, which could have been disasterous for lumberjacks in the area (there were a number of reports of mutant monkeys dropping down from falling trees), the government finally decided to use them for their new communications system.

It was in August of 1967 that the first mutant monkey network was created. A system of pulleys was set up, and set of eight monkeys on either end of the pulleys were trained to read messages off a computer terminal, and send cards down the pulleys to the other end where the other monkeys would type the messages into the other terminal.

The result was a huge success. The monkeys were kept hidden from the public for many years, and computer networks were able to operate at much higher speeds than standard phone wires would ever allow. This is how lines such as T1's and T3's can reach such high speeds. Today, research has advanced so that a single monkey can operate up to four pulleys simultaneously, and research has even been done so that the pulleys aren't even conventional pulleys; they are instead fast-response devices that are based on effects of magnetic fields.

The effects of the monkey systems are obvious. A few Internet Service Providers (ISP's) are moving away from the monkey system, but many of them, especially those in the South such as Info Avenue and BBNPlanet still use the system. This means that the monkeys slow down when they aren't fed and one crazy monkey can bring the entire network down. This is why certain times of the day the Internet is so slow; the monkeys have not been fed recently.

Recent studies have been shown that the mutated monkeys have been exhibiting a high rate of microevolution over the years. To put it simply, the monkeys are getting smarter. This means more revolts against the humans, and more down times for the computer networks. As consumers, we must tell these ISP's that are still using the monkey system that we do not approve of their cruelty to these animals. We want to have efficient networks that do not go down every hour on the hour for feeding time. We want speed and reliability, and we aren't going to get that from a bunch of monkeys.

By the way, if you don't believe me, there is an RFC which describes the protocol by which the monkeys are to be fed and taken care of. It's all in RFC 2795.


This page created by Paul Brannan
Last modified: Friday, 22-Feb-2002 10:04:21 EST
URL: http://hubcap.clemson.edu/~cout/hubcap/isp.html